TLDR; Join Hannah on a exploration of self-awareness and vulnerability in cultivating empathy for others. Explore the challenges of acknowledging our humanity through a mediation, practical exercises, empathy prompts, and insights from psychological theory that guide you to embrace vulnerability for personal growth and authentic connections.

As a behavioral therapist turned product designer, I’ve always been fascinated with what it means to be human. More recently, I’ve become fascinated with the critical role of self-compassion and self-awareness in the ever-evolving pursuit of empathy and human connection.

This fascination bubbled up to the surface after my four-year-old niece Pearl cracked my mind open while spending a week with my family on Nice Lake in Northern Wisconsin. While sitting on the porch sipping coffee, we could hear the neighbor’s joyful laughter echoing off the lake in the distance. I didn’t think much of it until my articulate and analytical niece turned to me and said, “I hear humans.” I giggled and said, “You’re right — I do too!”

I haven’t stopped thinking about her comment since. This seemingly standard observation was the catalyst for a grand realization – my brain had painted an elaborate storyline about the neighboring humans without even realizing it. I had imagined that they were all siblings at their parent's lake house, that they each had a few kids and were taking the week off of work to relax as a family. I made all these seemingly harmless assumptions based on my own experiences based on my brief observations from the dock, without saying a single word to them. In reality, all I genuinely knew was that they were humans at the lake. Dang, Pearlie.

Since then, I’ve thought deeply about how shared experiences can both connect us and create a great divide. It’s so easy for our brains to assume that the way we experience events must be the same way others have experienced them too. Since shared experiences can be a powerful way to cultivate empathy and expose our humanness, let’s try a little exercise together.

Our Rich Inner Worlds: An Exercise in Shared Experiences

There's a power in that sense of shared experience that you are not alone. That someone understands how you feel and feels the same way is also a reminder that the way we see the world, even in shared experiences, is uniquely ours. It is also a great reminder of the gift of openness, if we are open to new ways of learning and seeing, our inner and outer worlds can be so much richer.

Close your eyes and spend a few moments imagining your mind as a room. Walk around, take it in. What does it look like? What covers the walls? What color and texture are the objects? When you’re ready, open your eyes and continue reading to hear my response…

There’s a warm glow of an ever-rising sun as it pours in through the giant windows casting shadows of trees and plants dancing on the walls. Wildflowers bloom from the cracks and crevices where one wouldn’t imagine life could grow. The walls are decorated with gold-framed portraits of humans that inspired and the art that cracked open my worldview. The seating is aesthetically pleasing and super cozy, so I can melt into the cozy abyss any time I please. There is a laptop with meticulously organized folders housing endless images of inspiration, flow charts, decision maps, research, and more. Memoirs are arranged across the room filled with the stories of those I’ve encountered, so I can pick them up anytime and remind myself of all they have taught me. Some dusty, beat-up books are shoved in the corner that I haven’t opened in some time. Half-finished paintings cover the floor and walls that tell experiences of my own.

/end scene.

I love the “imagine your mind as a room” exercise, often used as a meditation or writing prompt, because it’s so deeply personal and individual to each person. While small, an exercise like this gives us a tangible shared experience that may be vastly different. I share this exercise because it feels like one of the simplest ways to cultivate self-compassion and empathy toward one another quickly without even knowing each other. As a designer, cultivating empathy for those who you may or may not have shared experiences with is critical. Whether it be a user, a cross-team collaborator, or a potential client. Here are some of things I’ve learned about this topic along the way and the psychology behind it.

1. We are all humans with inner landscapes. Some lush and blooming, others overgrown and less traveled.

Based on my own conversations with friends and family, along with some google search, one thing is clear: our inner landscapes (or rooms) vary quite a bit - some are visceral, emotional, and dreamy, while others are analytical, organized, and pragmatic. But the consistently common thread is that our vast inner terrains are made up of our very own unique experiences, meaning you are the only one who can see the world the very way you do. Your dreams, experiences, thoughts, emotions, and intuition are entirely yours and cannot be taken from you. Our lens through which we see our own unique life experiences also influence our world, and if we are aware and open, can be transformed and evolved by our interactions with others. There are a few psychology principles worth nothing,

• Cognitive Biases: Cognitive Biases influence how you see and understand the world. Navigating your inner room means recognizing these influences, understanding their impact, and sometimes finding new ways for a more objective perspective. It's like learning the landmarks of your mind, allowing you to navigate with greater awareness.

  
  

• Curse of Knowledge: Now imagine your mind's room has a lush garden of knowledge, with clear walking paths and vibrant flowers. The curse of knowledge is like a thick fog that descends, making it hard to see what's truly there. As the expert gardener of your mind, you might forget the challenges new gardeners face. Breaking the curse means acknowledging the fog, empathizing with others, and finding ways to clear the mist, making your knowledge accessible to all.

🌱 Empathy Prompt: Think about some cognitive bias you have about the humans within your product. Do you assume that the humans using your product have a certain skillset, degree, knowledge? How has the lens through which you see the world impacted the way you perceive the people using your product (ie: your degree, your experience, etc)?

2. Compassionate empathy requires awareness of our own human tendencies.

The way I see the world, both internally and externally is different (and likely vastly different) than the way you see the world, even if we have shared experiences. In fact, as you initially read my mind as a room, you may have had some thoughts, feelings, or opinions about my inner world vs. your own. There’s that humanness again. While being human is the reason we are capable of empathy, it is also the reason we are so darn judgmental. Our brains love to make sense of things, to organize and keep things in tidy boxes - which means we are easily swayed by our snap judgments, cognitive bias, and confirmation bias. BUT, just like anything, if we can become self-aware of our humanness, we can better immerse ourselves in other perspectives, and remain open to learning and new points of view. Get curious about your human tendencies — sit with it, ask it some questions, and then firmly but politely ask it to leave if it’s not helpful!

Rooted in psychology:

• Confirmation Bias: Imagine your mind's room is filled with neatly labeled boxes for different beliefs and ideas. Confirmation bias is like a strong preference for putting information in boxes that align with what you already believe. It's as if you organize your mental space, always placing new thoughts in the boxes that match your existing views. This inclination keeps your mental room tidy but may lead to overlooking ideas that don't neatly fit into your pre-established boxes. Recognizing confirmation bias is akin to occasionally rearranging the boxes to ensure you're open to different perspectives and not just organizing information to confirm what you already know.
  
  

• Snap Judgements. Snap judgments are like speed-sorting items in your minds room into neatly labeled boxes without thoroughly examining each one. It's as if you swiftly decide which box something belongs in based on your immediate impressions. While this rapid sorting can be efficient, it may lead to oversimplifications and missing out on the nuances of each item. Being aware of snap judgments is like slowing down the sorting process, ensuring you give each idea or impression a fair consideration before assigning it to a mental bin.

🌱 Empathy Prompt: Think about some snap judgments you’ve had about the humans using your product. What personal experiences informed that judgment? Do you know too much about the inner workings of your product? Get curious about it, while practicing both self-compassion and empathy for humans. Now think of those snap judgements passing cars - they are just thoughts. You do not have to act on them, you can acknowledge them and let them drive by.

3. Self-compassion and self-awareness are critical in cultivating empathy for others.

While you were imagining your mind as a room, you may have had some limiting beliefs or negative self-talk happening. Wondering if yours was good enough or right, or why it was so hard to imagine in the first place. I know I did! After I completed my reflection, I did a quick google search to see the way others have responded and I was quite surprised by the differences - some spoke about the way the room was shaped, the noise level, how they move within the space, or the need to redecorate. I smiled, as I didn’t even think of the layout or the problems the space would need to solve. I found myself wanting to complete the exercise again, considering other factors as my mind was opened to new ways of answering the question. This can sometimes be one of the hardest things. While self-compassion and empathy for others is inherent to being humans, it is a muscle we must train and build. As we consciously choose self-compassion and empathy for others, the muscle will get stronger.

Now imagine your mind as a compassionate sanctuary, with shelves holding understanding and kindness. Self-compassion is like regularly replenishing these shelves with care and warmth for yourself. As you cultivate a gentle environment within, it becomes a source of empathy. When you're kind to yourself, it's as if you're adding empathy-infused items to your mental shelves. When you encounter others, your shelves are stocked with empathy, making it easier to share that warmth. Self-compassion acts like a generator, continually supplying empathy to your interactions. It's like having an abundance of compassionate resources that naturally spill over, allowing you to understand and connect with others in a more genuine and heartfelt way.

🌱 Empathy Prompt: Think about ways you can practice self-compassion and self-awareness in your everyday life. Get curious about the snap judgments you make about yourself. What’s one way you can be more gentle in everyday life? Now think of those snap judgements fluffy clouds in the sky - they are just thoughts. You do not have to act on them, you can acknowledge them and let them float by.

4. To cultivate empathy for others, get creative in your approach.

While the usual empathy exercises are great, it’s also a beautiful thing to have shared connections with others. Find things that inspire you, and start there. For me, my greatest lessons in self-awareness, self-compassion, and empathy for others have not occurred in a formal learning setting. Instead, it has been when I have had my mind wide open and receptive to new input, when I have gotten radically curious about the way I perceive the world vs. the way others perceive it. It has been in shared experiences with family and friends. In candid and open conversations in yoga and breathwork workshops with strangers. In trying new things that give me great discomfort.. In the arts. What area of your life or interest area can you lean into to begin crafting empathy?

Self-compassion & empathy takes practice.

Self-compassion and compassionate empathy are common thread through anything worth doing – often times the things worth doing are often the most difficult. To become a master of the craft you must practice and be willing to learn from those times you fall. Give it space. Move around it. Get curious. We’d love to hear how your experience with this exercise. Drop me a line at hannah@cerebralstudio.design!